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So much has happened in the last month. My fiancee left me after a night of rage that put me in jail. We were apart for a couple of weeks when she called and said maybe in a couple of months we could try to be together. She wanted me to be better and then we could be together. I tried to get her to go to therapy together but she said i was the one with the problem and didn't want to do any of the work to make our relationship better. I decided she didn't care enough and felt like she had abandoned me. I went on a dating website and started chatting with a woman on there and things seemed to be going great so we decided to meet. Right before we were about to meet she sent me a picture, it was my fiancee. She got into my email and found out about this dating website and set me up. She then called me and asked how i could do this to her, and i was a terrible person with a black heart and i was using my disorders(bpd and bipolar) as an excuse to hurt her. I felt she wasn't there for me and i know it was to soon to be looking for someone else but the lonliness felt unbearable. I have seen my therapist and I have come to realize what i have done wrong and i never meant to hurt anyone. I know my relationship is over and after a few days of severe depression i am starting to feel better. I know this relationship is toxic and i have taken responsibility for what i have done. I am starting to feel relieved it is over so i can just work on me, although i love her and miss her. I know i need to be on my own for a while. I went to court yesterday and i have 30 days of house arrest. I am looking at everything that has happened as a blessing. When i am not in a relationship i do not rage. and i will take the next 30 days to heal and work on my dpt. I can leave the house for therapy and school. I am hoping to find out who i am because i dont know if i have really known. So being on house arrest i will have the opportunity to be by myself and work on me and not have to worry about anything but that.