Sorry I haven't been around in a long time. I think about all of you quite often but with no internet at home it is hard to get online very often.
Here is what is going on in my life right now. We are having serious financial problems at the moment so my husband is working in Texas (about 1200 miles from home. I'm in Minnesota.) and he's been in El Paso Texas for the past month. We have no idea when he will be returning, possibly not until spring. Which leaves me at home with my 19 year old son, who is working hard to make progress in his life, and a 20 year old daughter that is 10 weeks pregnant, has no job, and no drivers license. I lost my eating disorder group in September and can't get into another one until December. I have no internet or TV service at home. And my sons car was repossessed so we share one car for now. But the main problem I am having at the moment is my daughter.
Last week Kayla was giving me so many problems that I was on the verge of telling her to get out, but my therapist encouraged me to bring her in to his office so we could discuss some ground rules. We did that but it didn't last more than a few days. On Saturday Dennis and I told Kayla that she is not welcome at home again until Dennis returns from Texas. In a greatly condensed version, what happened is she kept breaking house rules until I got mad and did a room search on her and I found drug paraphernalia and other items that weren't supposed to be in our house. I confiscated the items and one of the items belonged to her friend, Asia. Since I knew Asia's mom I told them that I would return the one item to her mom. They got mad and called the cops on me. When I told Dennis he backed my decision to confiscate the items, and after Kayla called the cops Dennis called Kayla and told her he wanted her out of the house. On Wednesday she stopped by to pick up some items and was still being disrespectful. I gave her some phone numbers to crisis lines and shelters that accept pregnant women and she threw the sheet on the floor. My therapist and Dennis and I all feel that Kayla is not going to grow up as long as she stays at home, and with a baby coming she needs to grow up fast. We figure if she goes to a shelter they will help her get on welfare, and get an apartment, and find the other resources she needs. This is the fourth time we have told her to get out in the last two years, we have tried everything we can think of. Today she called saying that her boyfriend and her want to come by the house so we can all talk. Dennis and I discussed it and decided we'd let her come by and that I would put Dennis on speaker phone so I have support. Neither one of us wants her at home. She said she wants to talk about house rules, and wants to come home for a month so she can save money to go to Texas and live with her friend Amanda. There are so many flaws with that plan that I didn't say anything other than she can come by to talk if she'd like. I figured if I said anything more it would open the discussion up on the phone and I really want Dennis to be part of it. She is getting nervous about having a place to stay because her boyfriend is going to jail any day now. I figure that is what shelters are for. I wish she would stop calling us, every time she does my anxiety goes up again. But on a positive note I haven't cut in over 2 months despite all the turmoil in the house and having to face it with reduced support systems. But my emotions have been all out of whack. I break down at inconvenient times. I feel like a horrible mother. But I will do my best to stay strong for my son and consistent with my daughter.
I hope others are doing ok. I've missed you all.
Bear
Here is what is going on in my life right now. We are having serious financial problems at the moment so my husband is working in Texas (about 1200 miles from home. I'm in Minnesota.) and he's been in El Paso Texas for the past month. We have no idea when he will be returning, possibly not until spring. Which leaves me at home with my 19 year old son, who is working hard to make progress in his life, and a 20 year old daughter that is 10 weeks pregnant, has no job, and no drivers license. I lost my eating disorder group in September and can't get into another one until December. I have no internet or TV service at home. And my sons car was repossessed so we share one car for now. But the main problem I am having at the moment is my daughter.
Last week Kayla was giving me so many problems that I was on the verge of telling her to get out, but my therapist encouraged me to bring her in to his office so we could discuss some ground rules. We did that but it didn't last more than a few days. On Saturday Dennis and I told Kayla that she is not welcome at home again until Dennis returns from Texas. In a greatly condensed version, what happened is she kept breaking house rules until I got mad and did a room search on her and I found drug paraphernalia and other items that weren't supposed to be in our house. I confiscated the items and one of the items belonged to her friend, Asia. Since I knew Asia's mom I told them that I would return the one item to her mom. They got mad and called the cops on me. When I told Dennis he backed my decision to confiscate the items, and after Kayla called the cops Dennis called Kayla and told her he wanted her out of the house. On Wednesday she stopped by to pick up some items and was still being disrespectful. I gave her some phone numbers to crisis lines and shelters that accept pregnant women and she threw the sheet on the floor. My therapist and Dennis and I all feel that Kayla is not going to grow up as long as she stays at home, and with a baby coming she needs to grow up fast. We figure if she goes to a shelter they will help her get on welfare, and get an apartment, and find the other resources she needs. This is the fourth time we have told her to get out in the last two years, we have tried everything we can think of. Today she called saying that her boyfriend and her want to come by the house so we can all talk. Dennis and I discussed it and decided we'd let her come by and that I would put Dennis on speaker phone so I have support. Neither one of us wants her at home. She said she wants to talk about house rules, and wants to come home for a month so she can save money to go to Texas and live with her friend Amanda. There are so many flaws with that plan that I didn't say anything other than she can come by to talk if she'd like. I figured if I said anything more it would open the discussion up on the phone and I really want Dennis to be part of it. She is getting nervous about having a place to stay because her boyfriend is going to jail any day now. I figure that is what shelters are for. I wish she would stop calling us, every time she does my anxiety goes up again. But on a positive note I haven't cut in over 2 months despite all the turmoil in the house and having to face it with reduced support systems. But my emotions have been all out of whack. I break down at inconvenient times. I feel like a horrible mother. But I will do my best to stay strong for my son and consistent with my daughter.
I hope others are doing ok. I've missed you all.
Bear
