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Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok again. I guess there comes a point where you just have to stop trying because it hurts to much to hold on anymore. Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy. I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiled the one who could brighten up your day, even if she couldn't brighten her own. Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying you can't fire me, I quit. I don't know what I want in life. I don't know what I want right now. All I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be any of me left. I know what its like to want to die; how it hurts to smile; how you try to fit in but you can't; how you hurt yourself on the outside; to try to kill the thing on the inside. I have a tendency to hurt myself physically, when I'm hurting inside. Some of us are just trying to get through the day without falling apart. Every night before I go to sleep I lie on my bed and stare up at my blank walls. I try to imagine the future, but right now it's as blank as those walls. All I can see is a past that I barely recognize any more. Look at me. You may think you see who I really am, but you'll never know me. Some people try to understand, but nobody can know what living like this is like. Some people try to understand, but nobody can know what living like this is like. Beware the person who has nothing to lose. Nothing can stop me now because I don't care anymore. I've come to the point where nothing matters anymore, and things I used to care about aren't worth fighting for. It wasn't a suicide attempt, it was an escape from everything awful. When we cut, we're in control - we make our own pain and we can stop it whenever we want. Physical pain relieves mental anguish. For a brief moment, the pain of cutting is the only thing in the cutter's mind, and when that stops and the other comes back, it is weaker. Drugs do that too, and sex, but not like cutting. Nothing is like cutting. It's an interesting feeling, really, to scroll through all the numbers in your phone, and realize that there is no one who will understand. If you forget all else remember just this, there are people who love you and want you happy... without you their life would be empty. I'm so broken. not half full, not half empty, not ever cracked. I'm just broken. I can't exist anymore. I can barely function. there's nothing left to me. and I don't care. "...occasionally I wished I could walk through a picture window and have the sharp, broken shards slash me to ribbons so I would finally look like I felt." "suicide is one appointment we all must keep, and for which no time is set"