Suicidal Tendencies....possible triggers - Kreative Korner - All - Borderline Personality Today Forum - Message Board - Yuku

RSS
Email

0 Kudo

<< Previous Topic Next Topic >>

Suicidal Tendencies....possible triggers

Author	Comment
astoria13	Suicidal Tendencies....possible triggers	Lead	[-]
Posts: 6 (07/26/09 15:03:10) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Tags : None I wrote this after my older brother killed himself and anytime I feel those thoughts coming I read it and know why I can't do the same. My dearest brother Jamie I miss you so much Why did you leave And take away my trust Your blood that I cleaned Still in my nose The pain and the horror All there to behold How could you put the gun to your head And pull the trigger With no words to be said Questions you see I ask all the time The answer You know Only in Your mind If only I could wander In this world with you Then instead I'd know Just which path to choose You were my big brother My only protector Now you've left me alone Holding this necklace It knows not how to comfort me Or have eyes that behold all that I see If I could have just one more time One more chance to cross this line I'd give all I have to hold you near And hear your, "I love you," within my ear. Unfortunately he gave up on his fight with this disorder and I was told I would probably kill myself before I turned 30. But here I sit, still struggling each day,knowing I can go on despite what some of the quacks have to say. I am now 35. He died at 22.
heavy heart		#1	[-]
Posts: 234 (07/26/09 19:34:40) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Wow astoria, this is wonderful.....very sad of course due to the subject matter, but it's beautifully written. I am deeply sorry to hear about your brother, how terrible that must have been for you back then and of course even today.....my heart goes out to you....and to him...obviously he also felt such pain and hopelessness. What a real shame that is. You obviously have it in your head that life does go on and you owe it to yourself of course - and to your children - and to your brother, to keep that thought in your mind and especially in your heart Because life does go on and you're very strong, don't forget it! You're also a great writer! I feel for you. I had a 20 year old friend years back who had hung himself (he was bipolar also) - and it is not the same as a beloved older brother of course, but I still know the pain my friend had left to his family and friends. It's a pain that does not go away. Take care of yourself, and let me know if you ever need to talk, Big hugs
blue eyed teddy bear		#2	[-]
Posts: 879 (07/28/09 21:50:08) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Hi Astoria, I am sorry for your loss. My older brother also killed himself two years ago. I think that is sad that someone would tell you that you would follow your brothers example. Just this week my therapist told me there is a saying in the profession- Keep them alive till 35. He said if a person is still alive by then they are not likely to end their life. By that age persons with BPD are less impulsive. Each persons tolerance for distress is different. Genetics are only a small part of the equation. I remind myself that one big difference between me and my brother is that he refused to go to therapy or seek any kind of help. He was afraid of anyone "getting into his head". I have been in therapy for almost 8 years. I think with therapy, (and sometimes meds) anything is possible. Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk. Hugs Bear FEAR is only Friendly Energy Announcing Risk but if you're still unsure Fffff Everything And Run!
hmssws		#3	[-]
Posts: 231 (07/29/09 10:41:20) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Astoria, My paternal grandfather ended his life by the same method as your brother when he was about my age......I don't think my father ever recovered......The rift in the family caused by the blame game sure never did......I never knew my Grandfather since he ended things in 1950 more than 6 years before my birth, but I was told that he was a good man.........I will say this, though I harbor a definate death wish, and hope every day will be the last day, I will never act on my wish to bring it about.....I made an agreement, a pact not to do so, and no matter what comes, I will not break my word......My word is much of what I have in life......So I'll make this suggestion to anyone else who harbors suicidal thoughts......If there is a friend out there that you care about, that shares this problem of suicidal thoughts, then try to make an agreement with them that neither of you will give in to those thoughts.....By doing so, you are never quite alone in the darkest of hours......You know they cared enough to put their feelings aside and commit to live for you....and you have made your life (and theirs)count for a little more by possibly helping save another.....So in doing so, you will hve made a positive difference in the world......And thats something.........It doesn't have to be someone you know in real life.......it could be someone from this site, or any other walk of life......So don't hesitate to reach out.......You can make a difference.......I know somebody stepped up and did for me......For the record, I have never met this person, nor do I expect that I ever shall (though it would be an honor).....but this person made a difference...... General Richard Garnett to General Lo Armistead just before they died leading their troops heroicly accross the open fields at Gettysburg in Pickett's Charge: " Maybe, just maybe today will be the last day."

<< Previous Topic Next Topic >>

Quick Reply