I'm looking for a good book about borderline personality disorder. In browsing through reviews of books at Amazon.com, I see that some people consider some
of the books on the subject to be "out of date" or something of that nature. Is there any general agreement about which one or two would be the best
introduction to the subject right now? I'm trying to come to a better understanding of a woman who I have known for almost five years and have had an
intense dating relationship with for much of that time. (I had started a thread on here about us a couple of months back if you're interested in more
background.) She gives every indication of being a very high-functioning borderline, according to the psychologist who I've been consulting about it. The
only reason I mention this is that most of the material I've read seems geared toward more extreme cases, so if there are any books that apply better to
cases that aren't so extreme, that might be useful to me. Thanks in advance for any help. ConfusedOne
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Need book recommendation
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 ConfusedOne |
Need book recommendation |
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Posts: 6 (05/27/09 20:34:04) |
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sisyphus |
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Posts: 1 (05/27/09 23:53:13) |
Hey there. My story is much like yours. Unfortunately, my friend does not live in another town. In fact, she lives way too close for comfort. I have been dating her for only three months and have experienced all the chaos and brilliant desperation of one who has been caught in an emotional trap in which my attempts to get free only got me deeper. It started with "I love you" after two weeks of dating, to "I want to marry you" a week after that. She professed how wonderful I was and constantly sought my reassurance by asking me if I still cared for and loved her. Suddenly, in the past few weeks, she started to switch into someone distant and cold. My attempts to uncover what was wrong only made things worse. Soon, she was insulting everything about me, from my tone of voice to my family (who she refused to meet). I tried to get out of the relationship on good terms, but she would have none of that. I have been trying to reason with her. I took all the blame, like you. I promised to marry her to stop a rageful episode. I began to realize nothing was good enough. To her, I would always be wrong. This is because I had become and still am the villian. I used to be the hero, and those were great days. Her charm and beauty could not be resisted despite my concerns about her emotional immaturity and possible borderline personality. Now that she hates me, she knows how to attack my vulnerabilities with the greatest of ease. As of today at 1pm, she told me that she was going off to find have a fling with a guy she had seen before we started dating, and that she hated me. I suggest reading Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul Mason, I Hate You-Don't Leave Me by Kreisman and Straus, and, for your own peace of ming, Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I have been pouring over these books for the past few days. |
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ConfusedOne |
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Posts: 7 (05/29/09 02:32:30) |
Thanks for your comments and book recommendations, sisyphus.
(I'm not sure why my comments aren't showing up as paragraphs. I'm putting line breaks in, so I don't know why it didn't show up in my earlier post. I didn't have this problem with my previous posts here, although I saw someone else have the same issue recently.) Anyway, I'm curious about a couple of things about your relationship, just to compare to my own experience. Do you find yourself being drawn back to her, despite the fact that it seems clear that contact is counter-productive? Do you find yourself thinking that she might suddenly realize the error of her ways and become (again) the charming person you fell in love with (and who adored you)? And do you have any thoughts about why she continues to have any contact with you now that she hates you? My ex-girlfriend never hated me, so our experience is different in that way. She simply says that she can't trust me and that I'm not good for her AND that she has realize that she was NEVER happy while she was with me. (The psychologist I've been consulting about my issues and hers says that her cognitive dissonance is forcing her to reinterpret the past in order to justify her current actions.) You're welcome to respond here if you want or send a private message to discuss it if you'd rather not make this much public. And if anybody knows how I can get the line breaks to show up properly, I'd love advice about that, too. 
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ConfusedOne |
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Posts: 8 (05/29/09 02:34:01) |
Weird. The paragraph breaks DID show up correctly that time. I have no idea why. Oh, well.
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Qelyn |
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Posts: 844 (05/29/09 11:19:48) |
Personally I found "A new hope for Bordeline Personality Disorder" very insightful and helpful..... It also has a section for the nons in our
lives....
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nas |
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Posts: 31 (05/30/09 03:36:16) |
I have been highly recommended 'Stop Walking on Eggshells' which both my mum and my sister recently ordered a copy of (finally!!!). I think regardless
of the extremity of her BPD a lot of the advice will still apply.
Good luck
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nas |
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Posts: 32 (05/30/09 03:38:25) |
Sorry forgot to mention ;Stop walking on eggshells' is for the loved ones of those with BPD so I think it would be really useful for you
A great general (relevant) BPD book is 'New Hope for Borderline Personality Disorder' |
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LostInTransition |
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Posts: 12 (06/07/09 17:50:59) |
"Get Me Out of Here" By Rachel Reiland. It is the story of this woman's recovery. It is insightful and I think helpful.
Also "Lost In the Mirror" by Richard Moskovitz, quick and easy. I really recommend it. |
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vicky1978 |
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Posts: 1 (06/08/09 15:04:13) |
Hi im not sure what im really doing on this. Im 31 and have bpd. Have had bpd for as long as i can remember. Its at my worse when im in a relationship. All i
want is to be happy. Im in a serious relationship now. He seems perfect. But im not. NO where near. i'd like to be. i just dont know what to do any
more.
 . i find life hard. relationships hard. my partner is so special to me but i
seem to keep pushing him away. any little thing he says or does seems to get to to me. i just want to be happy with him.
i want to know if anyone has a happy successful relationship. vicky |
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