KEEPIN FRIENDSHIPS HEALTHY

RSS
Email

0 Kudo

Author	Comment
chris3xp	KEEPIN FRIENDSHIPS HEALTHY	Lead	[-]
Posts: 12 (05/19/09 11:56:30) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Tags : None Ive come to grips with my loneliness, to paint my picture i would paint a man thats alone 24/7 lost all reason to leave to wonder the outside world for fear of getting close and lossing someone else. Its the hardest thing i think with BPD as im soo sensitive the slightiest wrong thing said or did, turns my opinion of you and u change from friend to enemy like a switch i have some people i can associate with but the friendship really isnt kicking off as i dont drink i dont enojy going to clubs and parties... Like some people have done me wrong as i love or care for anyone 110% and the first sign they show that there not its like the friendship completely stops for months at a time. I was wonder how many of you keep your relationships healthy as i dont have too much in heart to befriend another and have them walk outta my life.
Qelyn		#1	[-]
Posts: 830 (05/21/09 14:36:41) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Hi Chris, I know its hard..... People come and people go its one of the things you have to figure out..... However there are those relationships that stay.... I have been married for 17 years this coming July, through most of it I was unhealthy and struggled with the symptoms of BPD...... However over this last year I have to say it has been the best year of my life..... But it has been such because of some things I have done..... Medication has been key, an antidepressant and an atypical antipsychotic, therapy, deep level self assessments, perception changes, exercise, playing a sport for the first time in my life, and finally accepting that I had a problem and that it was my problem and not those around me who had the problem, also accepting myself as disabled with this problem and having to seriously think about certain parts of my life and see it from the outside instead of the inside..... Checking myself against other peoples perceptions, and the reality vs my perception of reality, come to find out my perceptions were off..... The truth is I wore my relationship thin, it took a man who had staying power and determination to stay married to stay through the depths of my illness..... Now don't get me wrong I do have things that redeem me and makes my husband stick with me too..... However it was getting bad, he was wearing out and starting to realize something had to change soon or he wasn't going to be able to stick with me anymore..... Just a few days ago I told him about a group someone mentioned here that decided to live without treatment for mental illness, he advised me that he couldn't stay on that roller coaster, that the time had been coming that he was ready to get out..... This solidified for me how essential it was that I treat my mental illness and strive to get better..... So here is the bad news, you are ill and need treatment and will have a difficult time maintaining relationships while in the throes of your illness..... It is a lonely and sad place to be..... Now here is the good news, with treatment and acceptance of your disability you can and will get better if you work at it..... After getting to where you are coping well, and following strategies that keep your illness under control it is quite probable that you will find relationships with staying power, ones that give you a reason to be better...... So take heart and know that it wont always be so lonely.... You just have to get to a place in your recovery where you are healthier and can maintain a stable relationship..... For now use this place to address some of this lonliness, and talk about it as you need to...... Q
heavy heart		#2	[-]
Posts: 88 (05/21/09 19:51:37) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I also run very hot/cold, love/hate with people......very frustrating how someone could be everything to you and then you are left hurting so badly just from one thing they say or do.....just wanted to let you know that you're certainly not alone on this, I too struggle with this and find my relationships with others the hardest thing in my life at the moment..... _______________________________________________________ " Told I talked too much, made too much noise... I took up a silent hobby -- bleeding. " -S. Marie
chris3xp		#3	[-]
Posts: 13 (05/21/09 21:20:48) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Yeah i was just diagnosed this year soo the whole accpetance of this illness hasnt really sunk in totally, i find myself hiding this from most of the people i knew as im scared they just wont care and brush it off as nothinga, theres nothing worse about anything in life when someone doesnt take something seriously that is a health issue. thanks for the reply both of ya
nobodyatall.copingwithdisso...		#4	[-]
Posts: 7 (08/06/09 18:16:30) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	For me changes started to happen when I started taking lamictal. Before that if I asked anyone for anything and heard 'no' I would end the friendship and friendships with everyone connected to them, find new friends who I thought were 'better' and then start the whole process again. Now I just don't do that. I have been on for 5 years and at first I still had my psyhcological problems but the psychiatrice problems were solved so I could work on it. Once the bi polar was under control the 'volume' on the emotions and impulses was way down so I could start to question where the emotions were coming from and if they were misplaced. I realised that my quitting friendships was based on a misplaced feeling of humiliation when people said no to me. That is what I personally sorted out for myself. Once the volume was down on that feeling, I could stop myself from acting on it. Does any of that help?
nobodyatall.copingwithdisso...		#5	[-]
Posts: 8 (08/06/09 18:23:06) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Oh and just one more note. When you said you care for them 110%, I used to get attached to people like that too but when I the volume got turned down it was more like 10-20% for aquaintances and 51% for friends if that make sense. It does not mean I don't love them it just means I don't love them so much that anything they do wrong disappoints me. So if someone I love lets me down, I am prepared because 49% of me expected that. And if an aquaintence lets me down, mild disappointment is all that follows. Also I have developed the ability to modify those percentages with ease so if someone I care about turns out to not be worthy, insead of dropping from 110% to zero, they just slide down gently from 51% to say 20% and I protect myself from getting hurt without them even noticing. No impulse to tell them off, just privately expect less from them in the future. Hope this helps too and does not look too much like a maths exam. lol
heavy heart		#6	[-]
Posts: 289 (08/06/09 18:40:25) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Lol.... I definitely understand the 100%.....I had just finished replying in one of my older threads about how intense I am about others....how I tend to love them too much, am much too clingy, etc. I hope I can go from feeling too much for others to feeling a healthy amount and 'expecting' some things to go wrong....instead of building up in my head that everything will be right 100% of the time!!! Perfect. (My therapist always tells me to stay away from the word "perfect"!) A perfect friendship that cannot be broken is what I've always craved, but the small rational part of me realizes there is no such thing.....Now if only it could tell that to my bigger, over-emotional, extremely irrational part enough so that it sticks with me.... I think growing up with Asperger's, not being able to form friendships with kids my own age, kind of screwed me up too. Now since I never really had a wonderful friendship (aside from my fantastic internet-world friends!), I feel it is all I want in the world....
heavy heart		#7	[-]
Posts: 290 (08/06/09 18:43:03) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Oops, meant to say - the 110% *
nobodyatall.copingwithdisso...		#8	[-]
Posts: 9 (08/06/09 19:47:10) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	yeah it is difficult, I only got to start on that journey after I go the right meds and the volume got turned down. Also starting to learn how to identify your feelings helps so much. My feelings used to literally crush me, I fellt like I was being pushed physically down to the floor by them. Now that I can recognise what the feeling is and identify the trigger and whether it is misplaced, they pass right through me. Also I make sure to validate even the misplaced feelings. So for instance if I like a guy and he does not like me back. I often still do feel humiliated. I think this is misplaced but I validate it as being my honest reaction and don't judge myself for it. I just recognise that even though I feel like I have been humiliated, in reality I have not been humiliated so acting on that feeling will cause confustion to others. Does that help?
heavy heart		#9	[-]
Posts: 300 (08/14/09 21:11:28) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Yes - I know exactly what you mean too about feeling as though your emotions crush you and push you down to the floor.....that is how I often feel. I'm glad you have a much easier time now with them! Thank you for your words......I know it shall get better over time......I am in an out-patient program now again after being hospitalized and am working on coping skills, etc. there for a few weeks......also have been practicing DBT skills on my own.....
nobodyatall.copingwithdisso...		#10	[-]
Posts: 12 (08/14/09 21:52:18) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	What meds do you use? The lamictal really isthe thing that gave me the possibility to get better. I still had to do a lot of work but it litteraly was not possible until the lamictal.
heavy heart		#11	[-]
Posts: 304 (08/14/09 22:04:59) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	This past time of being hospitalized, I was now put on a low dose (I have to be/stay at low doses of medications) of lamictal, yes. So far my moods are stable but I am having even worse anxiety/chest tightness ever since the day after I started taking it. But I am hoping that'll go away within a few days or a week......
nobodyatall.copingwithdisso...		#12	[-]
Posts: 13 (08/14/09 22:43:54) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Have you asked your doctor about valerian root? It is an herbal remedie but many doctors aprove of it. It works like valium but is not addictive. I did not have that reaction though so it is effecting you differently but maybe your doctor could have you add the valerian root. Worth asking anyway. It works for me when I am anxious. Good luck, keep me posted.
heavy heart		#13	[-]
Posts: 305 (08/15/09 13:02:23) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Really?? Well, see, that's the problem ALWAYS with medications and me.....you say you never had that reaction, but honestly, every single time my past psychiatrists would put me on medications and I'd get odd, usually serious side effects, they'd always say stuff like "Wow, that happens so rarely" and "I can't believe how sensitive you are to pills." So I have always been afraid kind of. I had tried ALL herbal mood pills at one point - went to a nutritionist and had spoke to her about how I had a serious mood disorder that has landed me in the hospital (that is back when I believed my Bipolar did so, when it was always my undiagnosed BPD) and she had put me on certain herbals. Once I had gone back to a pychiatrist to get prescribed just one little low dose med strictly for anxiety or something of the sort, he had gotten mad about those and said "you need medications! not herbals"....and that pissed me off because herbals are more healthy and he barely even let me give them a try (I was only taking them for a few weeks). But I see what you mean, you are saying if I ask to ADD the valerian root......I will definitely ask. I thank you very much!! Sorry about my little rant....hehe...
nobodyatall.copingwithdisso...		#14	[-]
Posts: 14 (08/15/09 18:54:28) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	No worries, I think ranting is normal for BPD lol. I have gotten better about raging rants but I realise recently that I still tell people off, I just do it in a nice tone of voice which really isn't much nicer. I have a strange side effect that lights look really bright to me on any mood stabilizer. I just have to live with it and use sunglasses a lot.
heavy heart		#15	[-]
Posts: 310 (08/15/09 21:54:27) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Lol.....yes, it must be. But I find I rant and talk much much more when I am manic from my bipolar, of course......I have been non-stop talking, talking extremely fast, from topic right into another topic, for the past week....haha......that's cerainly nothing new with me though. I am very very sensitive to lights also (and noises), but I have always been that way, for as long as I can remember....it's gotten worse since I developed my fibromyalgia as well.....so it's not just a side effect or anything of the sort........Anyway, I hope you are having a good night, somebody xox
lauren.myownbusiness		#16	[-]
Posts: 18 (08/29/09 10:32:32) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I'm really only close to a few people and I can totally relate to the percentages. But for me it goes like this. Boyfriend 110% I can go from feeling super attached and clingy to just being indifferent about if he calls or not. A close friend 80% I care enough that I talk to them pretty often maybe every other day. But with a close friend there are also times when I don't really want to stay on the phone talking with them but I never want them to know anything is wrong. So I will finish the conversation but the whole time I'm distracted and I'm thinking of a way to end the conversation without trying to intentionally hurt there feelings. An acquaintance which is where I pretty much lump the rest of the world 10%. I could really care less what they think they don't know me and I could just make up a reason as to why I need to get off the phone. I don't like feeling like I'm being dishonest so I might just focus on the fact that I'm sleepy and want to take a nap instead of the fact that I'm just emotionally unavailable for a conversation at the moment. It all seems to be such an intricate system. The hard part is you can't keep your close friends in the dark for too long or they start asking too many questions like what's wrong or why aren't you talking???
Nev	The misunderstandings....	#17	[-]
Posts: 1 (10/31/09 03:07:01) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I have had the unfortunate experience of several friends 'ditching' me because they don't want to deal with/see any of my BPD symptoms surface (my Bipolar is in remission now). Consequently what few friends I still have also have mental health problems (not that I discriminate against them of course). Then of course there is my folks and sister (and of course the countless friends of my mother's who she has emailed and phoned complaining bitterly about me).... I have become sick of saying I didn't choose this (and yes I am in treatment so hopefully that will get me back on track)

<< Previous Topic Next Topic >>

Yuku free message boards

KEEPIN FRIENDSHIPS HEALTHY

KEEPIN FRIENDSHIPS HEALTHY

Quick Reply