I self-injure in different ways than most Borderlines... ??

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heavy heart	I self-injure in different ways than most Borderlines... ??	Lead	[-]
Posts: 18 (04/19/09 12:17:49) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Tags : None I have a question about self-injury. I know most Borderlines do self-injure: cut, burn, scratch, etc. I being a Borderline as well, am actually one who has never cut myself or anything like it. Is there any other Borderline here who doesn't cut or anything? The only things I do and have done to physically hurt myself was when I abused drugs and alcohol for years and also when I get frustrated during a terrible mood swing, sometimes I'll forcefully hit myself (usually in my head or face) and I also bang my head hard against walls. I've even banged my head off of pavement before in a parking lot when I was in the midst of one of my screaming tantrums (got cops called on me that night...) So all of this is self-injury (me hurting myself), I just seem to do it in a different way than most Borderlines... I do fantasize all of the time about cutting myself but I've never done it and honestly don't even picture myself ever doing it, it's just not my personality... I've read that cutting is associated with BPD but not ALL Borderlines do it.. but every one that I've ever known does it or has done it. Does anyone else here self-injure in the way that I do??? Just curious. Feel like I can't relate... don't get me wrong, I know it's a good thing that I don't cut or burn or anything like that.. but I guess I want to know even just one Borderline who behaves closer to the way that I do.. ____________________________________________________________ " Told I talked too much, made too much noise... I took up a silent hobby -- bleeding. " -S. Marie
chris3xp		#1	[-]
Posts: 3 (04/19/09 23:50:44) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	its good that you havent tried i just started this year cutting and it seemed to replace the hitting of the head or punching things, i never thought i would self harm in this way but ive also learned its only gotten too that point because of lack of medication and intelligence on the subject BPD, im going threw a DBT and its working well , i sugest you dont feel isolated from fellow sufferers because they self harm in a difff way we all have the battle of moods and emotions far more then someone that isnt BPD, stay strong and now that your illness hasnt gotten the best of you to venture out into diff ways to self injury.
heavy heart		#2	[-]
Posts: 19 (04/20/09 11:51:20) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Thank you, Chris... and you are right, with everything you said. I do tend to feel isolated but it's not anything at all about the self-injury... it's just how I feel in general.. I guess that's just a BPD thing? I'm not sure if it's just an irrational feeling that I feel of being isolated or if I actually in a way do isolate myself from others. I guess that's possible because I do tend to push others away from me, but I never mean to!! I appreciate your reply back to me. Take care!! _______________________________________________________ " Told I talked too much, made too much noise... I took up a silent hobby -- bleeding. " -S. Marie
stephers91072.openbpd		#3	[-]
Posts: 21 (04/20/09 12:33:15) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Heavy Heart, Do not feel alone. I have never go through any of the standard forms (if you will) of self injury either. I have, on many occasion been stopped by my husband from banging my head against the wall when very upset. And he has told me that the heat of my bath water would probably qualify as self injury sometimes. I have even gone through the self starvation for as long as a week, maybe more. Self injury take on many forms, the key is to recognize them and to learn to control them not let them control you. I did not even know I did these things until my husband pointed them out. Just has he pointed out that I may be slightly Autistic recently when I asked about a post on this forum where someone mentioned rocking and spinning. I asked him what they meant and het tome me that I rock all the time but he really did not understand the spinning either. I did not even realize I rock. Well back to SI do not feel alone not all borderlines SI in the same ways. Steph Shoot for the moon! Even if you miss, you will land among the stars!
heavy heart		#4	[-]
Posts: 23 (04/20/09 13:28:57) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Hi, Steph and thank you. Yes, now that you mentioned it, I used to practically starve myself and suffered with anorexia for a long time in my younger years.. of course that was self-injury as well, terrible terrible for the body! I do recognize what I do, just haven't gotten to the point yet in being able to control it... I'm working on it.. it's just all so hard. And yeah, that was me and 2 other forum members talking about our Asperger's Syndrome.. some tend to spin, rock, etc. with that illness... it's a high-functioning autism, I actually have an above-average IQ but have trouble with some social aspects that normal people can easily do without thinking. Rocking isn't always associated with that though, either, I have a very mentally ill aunt who rocks back and forth due to some medications she's on. Thank you again for your reply and for making me feel like I'm not alone.. _______________________________________________________ " Told I talked too much, made too much noise... I took up a silent hobby -- bleeding. " -S. Marie
hmssws		#5	[-]
Posts: 192 (04/20/09 18:33:05) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Actually Heavy, rocking is associated with Aspergers though not all of us do it....I certainly do not.......but what the heck is spinning.....Other conditions cause rocking also...agreed.........Steph's IQ is more than 2 standard deviations above the norm, so she is no dummy by any means...... Hank General Richard Garnett to General Lo Armistead just before they died leading their troops heroicly accross the open fields at Gettysburg in Pickett's Charge: " Maybe, just maybe today will be the last day."
heavy heart		#6	[-]
Posts: 25 (04/21/09 08:23:04) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Hi Hank... Oh, I forgot.. Steph's your wife, right? I wasn't implying she was a dummy at all. When people say "Autism" to me I always make a point to say Asperger's is high-functioning, I have an above-average IQ also... and just telling her that my aunt rocks due to her mental status and all of the medications they have her on.. I'm not a rocker either, but to telll you about the spinning... you know how some little kids spin around in circles? I did that a lot as a kid but when I did it, I'd do it much much longer than most kids, if I got way too dizzy and fell down, I'd just start laughing, get up and spin around again for a while, then Repeat.... this kind of spinning is associated with Asperger's, but again, not all Aspie kids will do it. If you want to talk about Asperger's with me at all, just send me some mail... Take care. ___________________________________________________ " Told I talked too much, made too much noise... I took up a silent hobby -- bleeding. " -S. Marie
hmssws		#7	[-]
Posts: 193 (04/21/09 10:17:58) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I would think spiining is just part of growing up...lol....everybody I knew did that......but I am sure it's a matter of degree.....I did not reall think you were implying that Steph was a dummy....but I thought I''d defend her anyway..... Hank General Richard Garnett to General Lo Armistead just before they died leading their troops heroicly accross the open fields at Gettysburg in Pickett's Charge: " Maybe, just maybe today will be the last day."
heavy heart		#8	[-]
Posts: 33 (04/21/09 11:45:27) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Yes, that's exactly it, it's a matter of degree.. how often and how long I did it was not healthy at all. And I understand you wanted to defend her, that's normal and being a good husband! I was just making sure you knew of my good intentions..... _______________________________________________________ " Told I talked too much, made too much noise... I took up a silent hobby -- bleeding. " -S. Marie
Atchoo		#9	[-]
Posts: 3 (04/21/09 20:15:53) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Your not alone in this Heavy Heart. I also, am not a "cutter". When I do self injure it is usually by punching myself. Theres been many days I come into work looking like Edward Norton from Fight Club. In fact, the situation that prompted me to finally try to get help was me smashing a lava lamp on my forehead. It didn't break, so I got even more angrey and did it again...by that time I gave up. I ended up having a dent and a wicked scar on my forehead. I recently started punching hardsurfaces. Just last week I had to go to the ER to have xrays.
Atchoo		#10	[-]
Posts: 4 (04/21/09 20:17:42) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I never cut myself because I thought that it was more dangerousand easier to hide and I have found that its not.
blue eyed teddy bear		#11	[-]
Posts: 832 (04/21/09 23:39:19) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I've been mentally debating if I should reply to this post or not since I am a cutter. But I did find the discussion interesting. I have made a lot of progress and cut much less often now than I once did, but cutting is only one of the many ways that I have self harmed. The self harm started when I was about 8 and I think it started with hitting myself with a hairbrush when I'd get frustrated. I have also done things like slapping myself, punching my face, hitting my arms or legs with objects like wrenches, hitting my head against the wall or floor, burning, scratching, putting chemicals into open wounds, putting salt into sores, abusing alcohol, restricting food intake, and probably other things too. Most of these things I haven't done in many years but bruising and cutting are still issues for me at times. I don't think the method a person uses to self injure is really all that significant. There are many ways to hurt oneself. The important issue is finding out what is creating the need to self harm. Whatever method a person uses it's really all the same, it is an indication of a person that is in great emotional pain and that does not have other coping skills available to them. Once a person learns healthier ways of coping with strong emotions the need for the unhealthy forms of self harm, whatever method they use, will start to decrease and in time will go away completely. The only other difference that I can see is that a person that hits themselves has a temporary mark but a person that cuts has to live with the results, the scar, for the rest of their life. A bruise is temporary, whereas a cut when it heals is usually a permanent mark. But the emotional state of the person that does any form of self harm is where you find the similarity. I don't have Asperger's, but I do sometimes rock. From what I have read rocking can be a way of self soothing or to calm oneself and isn't always related to a diagnosis. If I have a stress ball then I don't feel the need to rock because a stress ball works well as a way to relieve anxiety, and the need to release nervous energy through moving. So when I am in social situations, and have to sit still, I bring a stress ball with which helps me to keep from having anxiety or panic attacks. FEAR is only Friendly Energy Announcing Risk but if you're still unsure Fffff Everything And Run!
heavy heart		#12	[-]
Posts: 36 (04/22/09 12:15:04) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Thanks Atchoo. Sounds like my husband... he punches things when he gets angry.. just has a plain anger problem.. He doesn't break expensive things though like I have before.. But yes, I punch myself as well when I get really upset, and bang my head against walls, like I had said before... I actually read an online list on what is considered "self-injury," which isn't rocketscience lol I know.. but I guess there are just some things that aren't "apparent".... I actually have grasped my hands to my head a lot during "my screaming tantrums" as I call them and have pulled/ripped some of my hair out!! I used to do this a lot at one point and my husband can tell now when I'm even going to do it before I do, so he stops me! But this is considered a form of SI, which does make sense.. I just didn't realize it before.. I've actually also heard that ripping and pulling your own hair out is associated with BPD, I wonder if that's true? Probably mostly women do it........ But I'm honestly the only person I know of who has ever done this. And I know a couple people in my life with BPD... I wonder if anyone here has ever done that? Just curious. _______________________________________________________ " Told I talked too much, made too much noise... I took up a silent hobby -- bleeding. " -S. Marie
heavy heart		#13	[-]
Posts: 37 (04/22/09 12:23:45) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	You're right, blue eyed.... I know it's not significant, it just made me curious, 'tis all.... now that you've said it, I've done a couple of those two.. and whenever I had a cut or a "boo boo", lol, I'd poor rubbing alcohol and stuff on it, not to clean it out, just to feel the burn... it would really hurt but I'd love the way that felt! The important thing is, I haven't self-harmed or anything like it at all lately! I have had times lately where I'd get very worked-up and scream a little but even though I was extremely frustrated I still didn't do anything to hurt myself (besides my throat).... maybe it's because my husband's there and he keeps me from doing it.. but as long as I don't do it, I'm happy actually........... I'm glad you decided to reply, thank you. _______________________________________________________ " Told I talked too much, made too much noise... I took up a silent hobby -- bleeding. " -S. Marie
stephers91072.openbpd		#14	[-]
Posts: 23 (04/22/09 13:39:56) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Never thought about my hair pulling as SI, but again Heavy Heart you are not alone! Steph Shoot for the moon! Even if you miss, you will land among the stars!
Syndica		#15	[-]
Posts: 26 (04/30/09 09:55:28) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	sweety don't feel bad, there's tons of us who are like u. I burn and cut myself... for some reason it releases the frustration and gives me a high. But I'v been good not cutting or burning myself for two weeks now going on three. I hope i can stop for good, but i know it's not realistic. I need the right medications.... I'v been on so many types of medications. I know the reason why i cut myself.... when i see horrible things like for an example a child's face comes out of the shadows and screams for help and her face melts off and her skull caves in on it'self. That freaks me out and that's when i usually cut myself. I know i have more then BPD and DID aka MPD. I ask myself is it more then just my illness? are these spirits i see are real and asking for my help? or i am just completely crazy. I searched for answers at wiccian sites and bumped into travis sanders who is a real pyshic. He said to me that i had such a bright light in me, ability to see things and tell things about other people. For some reason it makes feel so much better and i felt so alive i never did before. I know this won't help me, but searching for something that may explain what i see and going through. What if there's negative engery that makes us cutt of ourselfs or see or hear something???
darkness on the edge of town		#16	[-]
Posts: 12 (05/13/09 01:07:05) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I self-harm mostly in the ways you're describing heavy heart. I hit my head and face with my hands or ran my head into walls or struck it against any object close by...I even broke a cell phone once by smashing it against my face. I also am a recovering addict and I abused drugs as a way to injure myself. I think I chose to hit myself and abuse drugs b/c I could rationalize those methods of self-injury easier. I could say, "I hit my head-geez why did I do that? Oh well it was just an impulsive act, a fleeting moment" and w/the drugs I could say, "Oh well, all of my friends are doing them too and they're normal-so I must be ok too." If I actually went and got the razor blades and curling iron and self injured w/them when I got upset, I couldn't rationalize my actions by saying they were either impulsive or normal. I would be forced to admit that I consciously sought out tools in order to injure myself and THAT couldn't be explained away. I did have a thing for a while with the curling iron and I've cut a few times, but hitting myself in the head or face was the most convenient and immediate way to injure myself. Cutting or burning for me usually required assembling things in a ritualistic fashion. Now don't get me wrong, sometimes an exacto knife, a curling iron, or stove have been in my immediate vicinity when the urge struck and I used those tools. However, those were not my usual forms of self-injury. You aren't alone. Even though my self-injury has decreased, I still do hurt myself when I allow emotions to overtake me, I'm not proud of it, but I forgive myself for it. If I didn't forgive myself, I would self-injure over the guilt of self-injuring...it's a vicious cycle. Just do the best you can and have faith that a higher power is looking out for you. That helps me to not self-injure when I have faith that even the "bad" things that happen are part of a bigger plan that my higher power has in store for me. Goodnight!!!
darkness on the edge of town		#17	[-]
Posts: 13 (05/13/09 01:12:03) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Yep...I also do the grabbing my head really hard and pulling out my hair thing, digging my nails into my head...I actually have a cut in my scalp right now from where I dug my nails in and pulled my hair during finals week...I'm there with ya 100% sister..
KillerQueen		#18	[-]
Posts: 12 (05/27/09 23:57:42) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Absolutely Atchoo. I started hitting myself, chewing the insides of my lips, because I thought they were easier to hide. I ended up with bruises, oral ulcers, and swollen lips. In a pinch (with nothing handy to SI or no good place to do it) I've clawed myself bloody. And I was also anorexic for six years. Looks like a lot of us seek alternative means of SI, even the ones who use standard means.
kailur		#19	[-]
Posts: 4 (05/28/09 07:13:53) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Hi, although I do cut, I have also self-injured in other ways. For the most part, it seems as if the different types of self-injury I use depend on what is triggering it. I seem to cut more when I am sad. Another thing I have done is hit myself, but that usually happens at other times. I actually hadn't hit myself (at least that I can recall) in quite some time. I had almost daily episodes of hitting myself a few years ago. It would happen every day while I was putting on my makeup or getting ready in other ways - I would not like the way I was doing my makeup or how it was coming out and I would get just so very angry that I would just start punching myself in the leg or clawing at myself. I recall that when I was 14 years old, I was hitting myself for at least an hour, first with my fist and then with objects, eventually using a folding chair. This recently happened again, to my surprise. I haven't hit myself while getting ready in a very long time, I have done quite well accepting what's in the mirror, but all of a sudden last week, after fighting with a knot in my hair for just a bit too long, I took my hair brush and started "stabbing" myself in the leg with it. Bruises are just going away now. Other ways I have self injured include taking pills without the specific intent to kill myself, but not really caring about the result of taking the pills (if I die, oh well, if I don't good for me). One time, in the middle of an argument, I felt so overwhelmed that I just clawed at my arm, the end result was not pretty. I am in no way an alcoholic, but when I do drink, it is not really with the intent to have fun, it is more like "I know this is bad for me so I want to do it." I think that this is probably the symptom of something other than borderline, but I also compulsively pick at my skin (pimples that aren't even there). I tried my very best to be "anorexic" when I was about 15 and stopped eating for a couple of days. I once tried to make meself vomit so I didn't have to go to my job ("Oh, look mom I'm throwing up I can't go to work"). Now I overeat like nobody's business. Don't know if this is self-injury or what it was, but I was hospitalized once for eating foreign objects. I wasn't trying to kill myself, I just kind of saw them sitting there, and went ahead and swallowed them (not even on the same day!). I guess my point is, that although I am a cutter, at other times I have been known to self-injure in other ways, too. If I am lost, it's only for a little while... "Monsters" by Band of Horses
heavy heart		#20	[-]
Posts: 102 (06/03/09 23:29:39) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Thank you everyone for taking your time to reply to my post. I'm glad that I can relate to all of you and you can all relate to me - Even if it's relating through something very self-damaging....We all understand and support each other. I've been doing very well actually about not SI-ing in any way, I've been staying away from banging my head, taking lots of pills, ripping my hair out, etc. Everything. I hope all of you are doing okay as well......Stay strong and thanx again for your replies. _______________________________________________________ " Told I talked too much, made too much noise... I took up a silent hobby -- bleeding. " -S. Marie

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I self-injure in different ways than most Borderlines... ??

I self-injure in different ways than most Borderlines... ??

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