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Hi, I'm Ashley. I was diagnosed Borderline about 2 years ago when I was 15, I was in and out of the hospital every other month for self mutilation and suicidal ideation. I wasn't really trying to get better, I felt hopeless basically. And about every 3-6 Months of doing good I had a relapse sending me back to the hospital once again. It wasn't until about a year ago that I got serious about getting better because at that point I was so suicidal I could hardly breath, I knew It was get better or end up dead. I stopped cutting and starting trying to help myself and learn all I could about how my brain worked. It has been 7 Months since my last hospital stay. Yes you will get those days when you feel its all coming back, which can be extremely frustrating, Just try and stay positive and talk yourself through it or talk to someone you trust. I recently got off my meds under doctor supervision thinking I was fine now, everything has been going great for awhile and I was sure it was all over. About a month after I stopped taking them the symptoms came back full force. I was scared and very disappointed. Id made me feel more hopeless then ever. About 5 Days ago I started taking them again, I didnt want to risk what could happen if I didn't. Its very normal to have times when you feel like your relapsing, the real test is in how you deal with those times and get through them. As quickly as those feelings of despair return they can leave. I still have those times when I feel that pull back into my old ways. that realization of how shitty I feel and Its so hard to keep a positive attitude or think clearly but Its all part of my recovery. NO ONE expects you to stand up and walk, just start crawling. Its okay to fall down as long as you can pick yourself up agian.
And remember that "No matter how badly it seems to hurt, someone somewhere has felt it, too. And survived!"