I am looking for help managing my identity disturbances. To summerize, after some serious tramatic relationship break downs, I started to have gender and
identity disturbances. I know who I used to be and I know what I want to become (a straight confident hetereosexual male) but when I spend too much time
around women (or variations), (i'm talking minutes), I start feeling like I am woman (or variations)
THe whole thing makes me incrediably uncomfortable to talk about, but I'm so 'sensitive' I guess I spend most nights sleeping in my truck instead of my apt because I know my neighbor is a woman. Living next to each other in the same building constitutes a relationship in my mind (afterall I'm guarnateed to run into her at some point again) and its over powering.
The only thing that makes me feel better is when I can be my true self (ie nothing is bothering me at the moment) around my therapist and he speaks back and we have a very open exchange of ideas. Then it feels like my 'energy' is traveling upward, I let the feeling travel upward and out into space and I become more confident, masculine decisive etc. But it is very rare that this happens, most of the time something is 'blocking' or bothering me and I can't get my 'true' self out. Most times when I feel 'energy' move, its downward after a negative experience.
Is anyone, especailly any guys, following me so far, or is just as unstable? Or am I in my own catagory of unstableness?
THe whole thing makes me incrediably uncomfortable to talk about, but I'm so 'sensitive' I guess I spend most nights sleeping in my truck instead of my apt because I know my neighbor is a woman. Living next to each other in the same building constitutes a relationship in my mind (afterall I'm guarnateed to run into her at some point again) and its over powering.
The only thing that makes me feel better is when I can be my true self (ie nothing is bothering me at the moment) around my therapist and he speaks back and we have a very open exchange of ideas. Then it feels like my 'energy' is traveling upward, I let the feeling travel upward and out into space and I become more confident, masculine decisive etc. But it is very rare that this happens, most of the time something is 'blocking' or bothering me and I can't get my 'true' self out. Most times when I feel 'energy' move, its downward after a negative experience.
Is anyone, especailly any guys, following me so far, or is just as unstable? Or am I in my own catagory of unstableness?
