The Private Room

neither here nor there

feeds@yuku.com (trialsntribulations) — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 03:42:54 GMT

I am considered a "controlled" BPD'er. I'm controlled because I'm not impulsive. I'm controlling and calculating.

I don't do anything impulsive because I'm afraid of destroying my life.

I can't even study for my final which is on Tuesday. I can't even look forward to my winter break. All I want to do is... sleep. Just let me sleep.

I have my grade balancing on a knife's edge and all I can do is sit at my desk and...

Transient Darkness and Withdrawal

feeds@yuku.com (lauren) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 01:38:37 GMT

Hey everyone,
Yes I admit I have been absent for a while and have not posted on these boards for a while. I've kinda purposely shut everyone out of my life. Even this small online community which was providing me some small support I couldnt bear to let too close. I'm kind of in a phase where I'm kind of coming out of my cave but at the same time I just want to stay disappeared forever. I'm sick of hearing myself being so depressed and having such negative conversation...

GETTING BAD

feeds@yuku.com (vicky1978) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 11:20:40 GMT

Im feeling bad again.Just want to curl up and die.Started new meds last tuesday. ive been put on lithium. so now im not sleeping at night. And its driving me mad.i feel really low and want to self harm. I really dont know what to do any more.

What's Wrong With Me?

feeds@yuku.com (JustJulz) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 19:09:28 GMT

I've just been diagnosed with a personality disorder, I started researching it, so I could basically disprove it. But to be honest, there is something wrong with me, but none of the disorders fit. I never asked what I was, at the time I wasn't interested. I don't trust their judgement anyway, they don't know me as well as I do.
I'm going to more honest [about myself] than I have been in a long time, even to myself. I'm a bit of a contradiction but I'm going to...

Is it just me?

feeds@yuku.com (Thebrittany) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 03:55:51 GMT

This is the first i've ever consulted with people with BPD....I've been told i'm Bipolar most of my life. But with all the research I've done and all the analysis' i've done on myself i know I'm not. How i am fits more with BPD. so i don't really know if what i'm saying is stupid or not. I just want to talk to someone that understand. I hate not being able to control who i am. I don't have split personalities. I don't black out and not remember...

No Way Out

feeds@yuku.com (dunamez) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 09:29:46 GMT

Feel terrible today, was doing fine or maybe I wasn't and i'm such a good fake these days I've got myself fooled
Lonely beyond what I though possible, all I have in the world are my kids, everyone else lets me down or I let them down.
I don't even think I know how to be happy anymore, the cutting has to be more and more violent to achieve the results I used to get from a few scratches.
What am I looking for? I used to think it was love and now I know that...

taking the negative and turning it into positive

feeds@yuku.com (gefers) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 12:48:50 GMT

So much has happened in the last month. My fiancee left me after a night of rage that put me in jail. We were apart for a couple of weeks when she called and said maybe in a couple of months we could try to be together. She wanted me to be better and then we could be together. I tried to get her to go to therapy together but she said i was the one with the problem and didn't want to do any of the work to make our relationship better. I decided she didn't care enough and felt like she...

who's herd of this?

feeds@yuku.com (vicky1978) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 15:32:20 GMT

Has anyone herd of cygnet hospital?

quotes that fit

feeds@yuku.com (a sinking soul) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 09:58:29 GMT

Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok again. I guess there comes a point where you just have to stop trying because it hurts to much to hold on anymore. Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy. I want to be remembered as the girl who always smiled the one who could brighten up your day, even if she couldn't brighten her own. Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way...

Dont know who or what to beleieve anymore. Total confusion

feeds@yuku.com (k9pon) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 22:12:39 GMT

I havent posted for a long while, but right now I am so confused and a bit at my wits end. This whole situation I am in is driving me mad one person saying one thing and another saying quite the opposite. I have really had such a shit year one way and another and it shows signs of getting worse not better.

Ok , the scenario is that earlier on in the year I had to have my wisdom teeth out and significant damage was caused. I am 45 years of age and the operation was very bad. I...

exhausted and cant go on

feeds@yuku.com (vicky1978) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 17:52:23 GMT

Im so exhasted.Like all the time. Is that normal with bpd. My head also hurts so much. im trying to be strong for everyone as im married and have a little boy. But some times i just want to give up and die. I dont have much help from my mental health team. All i want is the proper help. ive been struggling for years. I dont think i can take any more. I hate myself so much. Everything about me is ugly. HELP

WEIRDEST DREAM EXPERIENCE I'VE EVER HAD - can anyone relate!?

feeds@yuku.com (heavy heart) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:56:45 GMT

hiya my bpd fam,

i really felt the need to tell you about a very odd, lucid dream i had last night (or this morning, rather)... i was honestly contemplating whether to share it or not, because people may just think i'm extremely weird, lol... and i'm always seen as quite odd to people, but i know that everyone here doesn't...

My worst fear has come true.

feeds@yuku.com (gefers) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 02:18:16 GMT

My fiancee left me. She always told me i was worrying over nothing that she wasn't going anywhere. She has decided she wants a quiet normal life. I cant stop thinking about her. I have been a mess for a couple of days now. I can't trust in anything right now. I love her so much and hate her at the same time. I don't know what to do with out her and i have never felt so alone and betrayed , not to mention abandoned and rejected. I know things were hard and she could never...

UGH

feeds@yuku.com (Kat21) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 13:12:54 GMT

I JUST WISH I COULD FEEL SOMETHING WITHOUT THE AID OF ALCOHOL OR DRUGS. im constantly at this low blah feeling. i feel like its hopeless. i was on zoloft for two years all it did was make me gain 20 pounds and sleep all the time and get horrible headaches. i hate drugs. i just want this to go away. why cant i be normal??????? my friends dont understand. they think i should just stop being so selfish and carry on like the rest of us do. ITS NOT THAT EASY i dont even know if i have borderline...

I need help making a decision

feeds@yuku.com (Kat21) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 00:25:56 GMT

Okay so I have been diagnosed with PMDD (pre-menstrual dysmorphic disorder) and I have had it since I was 19 ( I am 21) and I have not been diagnosed with Borderline Personality but I match allllllll the symptoms of it so I consider myself a Borderline. Even when I am not pms-ing I am depressed, anxious, happy and sad randomly thruout a day, i cant concentrare on anything, i change my mind so much, im extremely impulsive, e.t.c.

so i moved to LA five months ago to pursue my dream of...

Blargh im going to try not to ramble...

feeds@yuku.com (begle) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 22:51:01 GMT

I basically dont know what to do, Im 19 years old, been recentaly diagnosed with BPD, being told was one of the best and worst days, It was a relief to be told that there was somthinbg for what i was, somthing that made my horrid self seem validated, but it also felt like a death sentance. I have struggled with substance and alcohol abuse scince i was 13 and have two suicide attempts under my belt. I have been in concilling scince I was 17 and am currently on a course of Phychotherapy,...

New Here (again)

feeds@yuku.com (KimMisery) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 19:07:23 GMT

I tried to become a part of this community during a very crazy time in my life a few months ago but I guess I wasn't ready. I got some nice replies but just couldn't deal with it at the time so I'm trying it again. I have a very hard time with anyone being nice to me Unfortunately it's still a very crazy time. I'm a 45-yr old, American living in the UK with my husband. Although I've lived here for three years, I don't know a single person so I'm very...

New here... exhausted, hurting, want to change, don't know how

feeds@yuku.com (Shelly) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 03:44:16 GMT

Hello.

In the last few days, I've come to realize I'm borderline, and my emotions have been cycling ever since. On one hand, I'm glad to finally see what's wrong with me--the diagnostic criteria for BPD is like a script of my life. For the first time in my life, I'm embracing the idea of therapy, I'm ready to fight to help myself, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to feel like life is worth living. But on the other hand, I'm COMPLETELY overwhelmed...

maddness in all its glory

feeds@yuku.com (fefi68) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 02:22:20 GMT

how many more times will i spend in hospital with a tube stuck dow my throat feeding me nutrients that i need to stay alive. How many more suicide attempts before i die. when will this end? I have such an overwhelming need to self destrucct, i am so out of control it scares the hell out of me. i dont know but when im lying there after an od waiting to die willing my bloody heart to stop beating its like no you need to suffer more and i will keep you alive and you will suffer every tortureous...

I am new here and I am hope to get some form of support group online.

feeds@yuku.com (bpdkel) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 08:31:02 GMT

Hi everyone,

I am new to this website and I am hoping it is something that will help me deal with my bpd better abd have a normal life. I am 27, have been diagnosed with bpd since I was 20...so it has been 7 years now. I have been better since I have to say but somehow, I find myself sliding back into the deep despair time and time again. I have been having increasing episodes and had a really crazy one yest. night.

Over the 7 years, I have had 3 serious relationships...